A very simple day

Bismillah…

Well, this post is about my day. I mean my birthday. Yeah~ I know it’s not my birthday anymore. Actually I have to make this post yesterday but honestly yesterday I feel so so so exhausted! So I just have to delay it first to have some rest. And finally, I’m making this post now. Alhamdulillah...

You know? My birthday this year is quite boring. We don’t even celebrate it like the years before. Well, it’s just okay as I understand that everybody is getting busy these days. But know what? I was a little excited when Umi told me that someone sent me a huge parcel. Of course it is my birthday present. But I began to be more keyed up when I opened the huge box lid; there was a really2 cute teddy bear! And I decided to call it my Mr. Teddy.

Mr. Teddy & me (Ahmad nie seb0k je kt belakang tuh. haishh~! )

(Dari kanan: Ahmad, Mr. Teddy, Hamizah)

Well, there were t-shirt, a cute Mickey Mouse alarm clock & a key-chain too. Thanks Mr. Luq… I love it so much~!!! J

I still have short beautiful moments with Hamizah’s friends. They are so wonderful, kind-hearted and sweet. They surprised me with presents too!!! Masha-Allah.

(bersama kwn2 Mizah)

(cute kan??? :D)

Umi and my sister Hamizah baked me a chocolate cake. Honestly, it’s damn yummy! Thanks Umi… I love your cake. We enjoyed the cake in the evening together.

(Ahmad x sabar nk mkn. huhu~)

During the night, when Abah came back home from work, he told us that he was really exhausted so we have to cancel the birthday party at the pizza restaurant. Well, it’s just okay cuz I don’t care much. Anyway, I'm touched when my friends wrote a blog post special for my birthday. Hell yeah~ nobody ever did that for me. Well, this is the link to their blog

http://blogceriteraku.blogspot.com/2011/04/something-for-youu-bashh.html?spref=fb

And

http://sayaazmeerazulkarnain.blogspot.com/2011/04/basyirah-zulkifli.html?spref=fb

Why don't you guys try & ckeck it out!! :)

You see, it’s quite a simple day right? There is nothing special. The very special thing for me is that I’ve got Mr. Teddy for my birthday this year. Cool right? I love it damn much~!!! <3

(Princess 1st April)

Oh Allah...

"A strong woman is the one who fells deeply, and loves fiercely. Her tears flow just as abundantly as her smile. A strong woman is both soft and powerful, she is both practical and spiritual. A strong woman in her essence is gift to the whole world"
(From FAQ site)

Praise be to You, Allah…

O Allah... I really wanted to be strong. But Allah.. I cannot be as powerful as I wanted without Your help. Without You, I have nothing cuz You are EVERYTHING. Please Allah, I need Your help.

O Allah... If I cry, please let me cry for You. If I smile, please let me smile for You. If I'm happy, please let me be happy for You. If I am disappointed, please let me be it with You.

O Allah... I'm begging You. No matter what, please do not let me stop helping others. Well, You just let me know that the key to be happy is by helping people. And yes, it is. So please, don't ever let me stop lending my hands for others. I wanted to be a strong lady so I really do hope You'll let me. Please Allah...

Allah.... for the clouds You've gave us, for the stars You've lend to us, for the wealth You've bestowed on us, for the life You’ve conferred for us, for the enjoyable You’ve passed on us, for the breath You've handed over us, for the night sky You've decorated it to make us smile again, for the people You’ve let us know no matter who they are, for the love You’ve overflowed to take place as Your guidance, for everything You’ve gave us ‘til we couldn’t tell, thanks for all of it.

Allah, this is my day

This day is my new life. I am 18. And I call this day is mine. When I woke up in the morning and finished making me ready for my day, Ahmad came to me and hugged me as if he no longer meet me for a year. I don’t know why he did that but I didn’t care. I kissed his cheeks and head then I said proudly, “Ahmad, today is my birthday!” He gave me a big smile and hugged me again. Then he sang a Happy Birthday song for me. I never thought he’d do that cuz I thought he didn’t really understand what birthday means. Man, he is just a 5-year-old boy. That really surprised me. Then, I sang to him back, “Today is my day. Today is my birthday. Happy happy birthday to me…” Actually, that is the ‘Magic English’ song and I know he like it so much. He started giggling to me. He said I’m cute to be like a little lady then he kissed my nose.
When I went downstairs and started my routine like always, I realized something just began to make me sad. Of course I do. My dad was going to work, my brothers and sister were having a school time and my mother was going to be busy again like always. Then yeah, I AM sad again. I just hope they’d get any damn day-out just for me. I started to felt like wanted to cry. I said to myself that I wanted to go to Matri cuz there, I‘d celebrate this day with my friends. Yes, I did get those phone calls, sms’s, and emails from my friends for the birthday wishes but deeply in my heart, I know that I just wished to meet them and hugged them as tight as I could. But I just could do nothing.
Anyway, something really made me felt so lucky this day. My dad was coming home so early. It was about 6 in the evening. Firstly, I didn’t know why but now I do. He did that just because he wanted the birthday girl happy. After we perform our prayers, my dad said that he was going to bring us out to the Angsana Plaza. For what? Hell yeah… To celebrate my birthday! He brought us to the pizza restaurant as he knows my favourite food is pizza. Then, we had our appetizing dinner there. So happy, wonderful and contented time in the restaurant. You know? I love it.

Waiting for the pizza

Cutting the pizza

Eating time

Then I realized, there are people who Allah gave me to love me and care about me. That is my family and absolutely my friends too. This day, I felt like my dad is the coolest daddy I ever saw. Why not? When he brought me to the plaza, I noticed that he was very tired from working all day long but I know that he really doesn't want to make me disappointed. So, he came back home early to have a bit rest for charging his energy just for the birthday girl's night celebration. My mom too... I realized that she was worned-out like a person who have no more strength to do other work. But subhanallah... for my birthday party, she was willing to do anything. Umi & Abah, I really do love you both. May Allah bless your life. Allah... Thanks for giving me the chance to feel the pleasure of love. Please Allah, do fill my heart with love to You, Rasool Muhammad, my parents and to everybody who loved You. Ameen...

Welcome to the new world

Assalamualaikum... I’m back and here is my new look. Well at first, I decided not to change it because I like the way it was. Actually, cuz I like black. Why not? Black is awesome, fantastic, stylish, simple, and whatever cool things human can think about. But yeah, now I changed my mind. I just choose to switch my favourite colour from black to anything light. Why? Because starting now, I wanted to change my personality. I mean, change my life to the better one.

Last night, I just found something miracle happening to me. I was reading koran when ‘something’ asked me to read the meaning of the very next verse where I was reading. It was Al-Qasas: 77.

"And seek for the good in the hereafter with the (wealth) which Allah has bestowed on you, but forget not the portion of lawful enjoyment in this world; and do good things as how Allah has been good to you, and seek not mischief in this land. Verily, Allah doesn’t like the Mufsidun (those who commit great crimes and sins, oppressors, tyrants, mischief-makers, and corrupters)."

After reading it, I really had decided that I wanted to change the way of my life. I do… Yes, I do… I want to forget every burning things before. Khassah… Yes, I am going to learn to forget about it.

Allah, You know… I’m weak… I’m totally weak… And there is nothing that I can do without Your help. You are everything.

O Allah, I wanted to change my life… Please, help me to turn my sadness into kindness, my uniqueness into strength. There is nobody who has the ability except You. Please Allah… You are my only hope.

Allah… if You let me, I’ll be the princess of the day tomorrow. So, I really have to change my life. I‘ll start a very new life with You by my side. O Allah, I do need You so.

To everybody who I ever know or not, this is me in my new life. I hope I'll change. I don't wanna cry much anymore. I wanted to face this life with full happiness. I'll try to take a rossy view to myself after this. And I'll try to accept everybody in my life no matter who they are. Anyway, welcome to the new world of mine.

"Basyirah, it is tomorrow..."

This is a true story what was happening to me yesterday night. It is when I was having a sleep and I was slumbering tightly. I mean no disturbance. As long as I remember, I don’t have any night dreaming last night. Kind of a solemn sleep I think. But honestly, I’m going to say I heard a voice whispering to my right ear. A very clear and caring voice. The voice said, “Basyirah, it is tomorrow…” I thought it was my dad cuz that voice seems like it was a man. As I heard that voice, I began to open my eyes slowly and said, “What, who’s that?” I rose up my leaned body on my bed. I took a very sharp look around me. Hell yeah, there was nobody in my room ‘cept Hamizah (my lil sister) who was sleeping beside me. I took a look around me for the second time, wondering if I was mistaken. But I was not. It was really nobody there.
Who’s that voice came from? Nor did I care! What I really care is, what’s happening tomorrow. I took a look at the clock, which is hanging on the wall. It was sharp half past three in the morning. O Allah, I was totally blocked. I didn't know what to do. I really couldn’t stop thinking what is going to happen the day after.
Later than a few seconds, tears began to flow down my cheeks. I sobbed loudly. I quickly walked out of my room when I realized my sobbing just disturbed my sister to sleep. I went downstairs then I cried alone. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. I felt like wanted to shout over my lungs. Suddenly, something just tells me that khassah is going to start tomorrow. Then I know why I cried so hard ‘til I couldn’t tell. I was just about to forget ‘bout khassah. But now, I’m ‘bout to remember it again. I really feel a big hard pain in my heart until now. Damn, that hurts a lot. I felt my heart was just like going to explode.
I took my koran cuz I know that was the only way to make me stop those damn tears. But I didn’t read it because I felt like to weak to do so. I just ‘landed my lips’ on it for a few times and hugged it as tight as I could. This continued about 30 minutes! Then, I began to be OK. I went back upstairs and I did what I supposed to.


It was just a few minutes to reach 5 o’clock when I began to get tired then I slept again.
When I woke up for subuh, I still could remember how the voice sounds like. And, I can really feel how its breath blowing my ears until now.
Anyway, I don’t care about it much. I just couldn’t imagine how I’m going to feel so losing for not continuing my studies in khassah.
O Allah, I’m begging You… Please do show me what is the best. If khassah is not the best for me, please…… do let me forget about it. You know that I’m not very strong to face this thing anymore. Please Allah, I’m begging You.

O Allah, I'm smiling...

O Allah, it is quite a long period when I didn’t feel the real pleasure of smiling. Now, I am smiling and I love it so much. I promise to myself not to cry over the problem I'm facing right now anymore. At this moment, I notice there is still a wonderful life with me. I am amazed on how you created this life to make the humans happy.
Allah... Last night when I look deeply at the charming bright stars floating in the sky, I can feel something special that You gave me. Yes, I sense Your love in my heart. Your love is there all the time to make me smile. I didn’t even realize it was there anymore but actually, it is. I can feel that You are always with me no matter what. And that feeling just make me smile again.
O Allah, Thanks for accompanying me when I am alone. Thanks for always listening to me when I am sad. Thanks for understanding me when I am disappointed. Thanks for hugging me when I lose hope. Thanks for always holding my hands tightly to show me the way where I suppose to go on. Thanks for never living me alone at my wits’ end. Thanks for never turn Your back on me even when I turn my back on You. And finally, thanks for everything (what is and what was).
O Allah, after You allow me to choose what I wanted, You let my heart began to accept the reality that is happening around me. Thank you for helping me to choose my right decision cuz after that, I began to start putting a happy smile on my face. With my wholehearted faith in you, I’m going to leave everything in Your hand.
Umi and Abah, you always try your best for my goodness ‘til I don’t know how to thank you both. Sorry if I had make your heart broken for not listening to your opinion. I know I’m a quite hard-headed person. I’m deadly sorry for that. After this, I’ll be always ready accepting whatever from you both. O Allah, please forgive all of my sins and my parents too. And please do love them as how they loved me when I’m little.
Ciwan, yesterday I just told you that I feel like wanted to go to the moon and shout to everyone that I am smiling. Well, glad to say this to you…. I am on the moon now and of course I’m totally blissful.
Aliya, thanks for giving me strength to continue my life no matter how hard it is. I know you are quite unhappy to know I was depressing yesterday. Anyway, let’s together smile now because now I am.
Khaulah, thanks for your believing. You’ve pray for me and trust me that I can bring myself wherever I go. Take good care of Matri and I hope for you the best, Insha-Allah… For your information, now I'm smiling to my ears.
Kak Maisarah, thanks for spending your time for me even you are in New Zealand. You have to know that I’m very glad to have a sister like you. Well, you don’t have to worry for me much because now I’m okay. I'm smiling already. Thank you so much.
Finally, to those who ever pray for me, worried about me, or gave me force to face my life though it is just a little even I didn’t notice it, thank you very, very much for being nice to me. I’ll remember your kindness as long as I live, insha-Allah…

Khassah ker huh??

Nak khassah.. tak nak khassah.. nak khassah.. tak nak khassah......... Aaaaa!!! macam mana ni? nak masuk khassah ke tak ni?

"Khassah mula bila, Aliya?"

"Isnin depan... Anti jadi masuk khassah tak?"

Terdiam... Tak tau nak jawab. Tiba-tiba, terdengar pula adik ana Ridwan menyanyikan nasyid 'Muhasabah Cinta'.

Argghh.. lagu tu. Lagu tu membuatkan ana terimbas balik kenangan di Matri. Tanpa disedari, air mata dah mula mengalir ke pipi.

"Aliya..." sambung ana..

"Rasa rugi sangat kalau tak masuk khassah. Nak balik Matri.. Nak balik Matri.."

Terus.. Aliya pula terdiam.. (terfikirkan sesuatu)

Ana terus sambung menangis... Sungguh ana maksudkan, rasa rugi sangat kalau tak masuk khassah.. Rasa rugi sangat kalau tak masuk Matri..

Terus ana sambung menangis.

"Nak Matri.. Nak Matri.."

Tiba-tiba... ana terfikir sorang-sorang..

"Aku nak Matri, tapi khassah?? Aku betul-betul nak khassah ke?"

Buntu... Keliru... Tak tau nak buat macam mana. Pilih khassah atau tak?

Ya Allah!! Sesungguhnya aku ni terlampau lemah. Dan aku nak minta tolong pada Engkau lagi, Ya Allah. Tolonglah aku... Bagilah pada aku apa yang terbaik untuk aku. Andainya khassah tu yang terbaik buatku, Kau mudahkanlah urusanku ke arah itu, Kau izinkanlah aku ke sana, Kau gerakkanlah hati aku untuk masuk khassah tanpa ragu-ragu, dan tolong jangan biarkan apa-apa pun yang menghalang aku mengejarnya.

Tapi.... Tapi... Andainya... khassah tu bukan yang terbaik untuk aku, aku mohon dan aku rela walaupun hal ni berat bagi aku... Kau tolonglah ubah hati aku supaya aku tidak mengharap lagi untuk ke khassah, Kau halanglah aku ke arah itu, dan tolong bukakanlah peluang aku untuk memilih apa yang terbaik untuk aku.

Tolonglah, Ya Allah... aku memohon pertolongan Kau kerana Kau mengetahui segala-galanya yang zahir mahupun yang tersembunyi. Aku merendahkan diri aku kepada-Mu serendah-rendahnya kerana aku sedar aku ini hanyalah seorang hamba yang hina sehinggakan tak dapat aku bayangkan betapa hinanya diriku sendiri. Dan... aku menyerahkan diriku sepenuhnya kepada-Mu,Ya Allah... Oleh itu, tolonglah.. Tunjukkanlah aku jalan yang terbaik buat aku...

My experiance to be like a handicap

This happened in November 2009, about 4 days before SPM. I had a great fall from the steps at a night when it was pouring and the thunder didn’t stop bumping the ground. The bad news is, my left ankle seems to get hurt the day after. When my teacher (Mrs. Asmah) brought me to the hospital to have a check-up, the doctor said that I just have a soft tissue injury at the part of my ankle and going to be okay after 1 or 2 weeks later. But I’m going to say the doctor was wrong because my ankle was not getting any better for the next 3 weeks but its getting worse. I have to use the wheelchair no matter where I went. Everyday, my friends would guided the wheelchair to the exam hall during SPM seoson; I mean my hall as I was quarantined (It is a room actually). They’d send me to the room before the exam was started then fetched me after that. I can tell that was their routine.

One night, I fell down the floor when I walked to the back of the ‘musolla’ to read Al-Mulk together with my friends as usual before we took our zs. That time, I didn’t use the thing what I call the ‘extra leg’. O Allah, that’s hurt a lot so I burst into tears. I wanted to cry as loud as I could but I felt too weak enough for that. I felt like I couldn’t do anything. My friends didn’t notice that I was crying because I hanged down my head. They thought I was just sleeping for a while. So I sat alone, suffering from the hurt. I have no choice so I waited my friends ‘til they finished the ‘halaqah’ for a while but it seemed like forever. As they finished the ‘halaqah’, one of my friends patted my shoulder as if she wanted to wake me up from sleep. I responded nothing and hold my ankle very tightly so they know that I was suffering from it. Everybody began to get worried and began muddling around.
There was two of my palls went ran for help and the others supported me to the wheelchair then guided it back to the hostel. About past 5 minutes, Dr. Ismail who was one of the expert doctors who live nearby arrived to give me a check-up. After he detected the problem, he told us something terrible. He said that I have to go on with an operation and a physiotherapy after it. He also said that it was a glimmer of hope for my ankle to get well as how it was. Dr. Ismail reminded me that everything is in Allah’s power as he noticed that I began to cry like a lady who was about to give up. After encouraging me, he asked me to use the ankle guard then he left .
Everyone froze for a few seconds. My head was hanging down. I cried my heart out from hearing the news. They started to rub my back and gave me some strength. My friends informed the warden about what Dr. Ismail had said and she said that she’d buy the ankle guard for me.
Honestly, I didn’t sit my SPM like how I supposed to. I felt like it is just a daily exercises from my teachers so I willy-nilly did it. I didn’t think it was my fault because I couldn’t focus as the pain in my ankle was killing me all the time. My languages test is truly bad. I didn’t even have much time to end the essays. During history, the pain was getting worst so I couldn’t focus at all. I just wrote everything in my mind and hoped the time would end quickly. The vicious war began to start again during Add Math. God, I hated that a lot. Everybody knows the fact that I’m not good in Add Math. See, I just wanted a truce at least only during Add Math but I didn’t get what I wished for. I missed 10 questions in biology paper 1. I just answered 40/50!
Before I had my chemistry exam, Mrs. Zaiton held a chemistry class with us. About 15 minutes before Mrs. Zaiton ended the class. My ankle began to make me suffer again. I told my friend who sat beside me during the class that my ankle was stinging. She told me to hold it for a while as the class was going to end a few minutes left. But I couldn’t. Hot water began to roll down me cheeks. Damn, I didn’t even care if somebody saw me crying. I continued crying ‘til Mrs. Zaiton’s husband, Cg. Azmi turned up to fetch her. As she noticed the arrival, she began to end the class. When Cg. Azmi realized I was sobbing, he immediately asked my friends what was going on so they told him why I was crying. He asked me if I needed any medicine. I just nodded. What I thought was just to be free from the pain. Then he walked to his car and came back to me with some pills in his hand for me to swallow down. He asked me to be strong and patient then he left with Mrs. Zaiton.
During the next day, the soreness of my ankle started from early in the morning. It was hurt more than always. I cried when I took my bath. I didn’t even tell my friends about it because I didn’t want to make trouble to anybody. When I was in the exam room, I cried alone. Not long after that, Mrs. Zaiton entered the room. I didn’t even notice that. I startled when she patted my shoulder and asked why I was crying. I quickly wiped my tears and said that I was not (actually I lied). I know that was rude but I just didn’t want her to worry. I forced myself to ignore the pain and tried to answer the questions properly but I couldn’t. God, I couldn’t stand it anymore so I gave up. I just wrote whatever I think about. After sitting the chemistry paper, I began very frustrated when I realized that I missed section C in paper 2. Twenty marks just flew over. I decided to keep it as a secret but I couldn’t so at last, I told my friends about it. They calm me down and asked me not to worry cuz Allah knows everything. After that, I felt much better.
During Arabic Language and PSI (Pendidikan Syari’ah Islamiyah) my ankle began to get well slowly. I started to take the PSI paper in the real exam hall with my friends. I had to have a war with my ankle yet again. But that time I didn’t really care because it is not as bad as before. Thanks to Allah, I still could handle it.
Of course it was strange enough for me. I didn’t need any damn operation or physiotherapies like how Dr. Ismail told me but I was changing for the better. Alhamdulillah… Then I realized, Allah is helping me a lot. I know that my parents, teachers, friends and everybody who saw me with the wheelchair always pray for my best too. Every time I pondered about it, I began to cry. I was more confident than ever that Allah never forgets to help us though we did so much bad things. He gave us test because He wants us to remember Him much. From my experience to be like a handicap person, I realized how we have to appreciate everything that we got from Him. We also have to be grateful for the presence of everybody around us no matter what they had done to us. What I learned, everything is a priceless gift so appreciate it before getting late. For Allah who never turn His back on me even if I turn my back on Him, thank you…