Life is about TRUSTING our feeling and TAKING CHANCES, LOSING and FINDING HAPPINESS, APPRECIATING the memories and LEARNING from the past... Let's together ask ALLAH to help us for not wasting the life we have.

Monday, March 08, 2010

My experiance to be like a handicap

This happened in November 2009, about 4 days before SPM. I had a great fall from the steps at a night when it was pouring and the thunder didn’t stop bumping the ground. The bad news is, my left ankle seems to get hurt the day after. When my teacher (Mrs. Asmah) brought me to the hospital to have a check-up, the doctor said that I just have a soft tissue injury at the part of my ankle and going to be okay after 1 or 2 weeks later. But I’m going to say the doctor was wrong because my ankle was not getting any better for the next 3 weeks but its getting worse. I have to use the wheelchair no matter where I went. Everyday, my friends would guided the wheelchair to the exam hall during SPM seoson; I mean my hall as I was quarantined (It is a room actually). They’d send me to the room before the exam was started then fetched me after that. I can tell that was their routine.
One night, I fell down the floor when I walked to the back of the ‘musolla’ to read Al-Mulk together with my friends as usual before we took our zs. That time, I didn’t use the thing what I call the ‘extra leg’. O Allah, that’s hurt a lot so I burst into tears. I wanted to cry as loud as I could but I felt too weak enough for that. I felt like I couldn’t do anything. My friends didn’t notice that I was crying because I hanged down my head. They thought I was just sleeping for a while. So I sat alone, suffering from the hurt. I have no choice so I waited my friends ‘til they finished the ‘halaqah’ for a while but it seemed like forever. As they finished the ‘halaqah’, one of my friends patted my shoulder as if she wanted to wake me up from sleep. I responded nothing and hold my ankle very tightly so they know that I was suffering from it. Everybody began to get worried and began muddling around.
There was two of my palls went ran for help and the others supported me to the wheelchair then guided it back to the hostel. About past 5 minutes, Dr. Ismail who was one of the expert doctors who live nearby arrived to give me a check-up. After he detected the problem, he told us something terrible. He said that I have to go on with an operation and a physiotherapy after it. He also said that it was a glimmer of hope for my ankle to get well as how it was. Dr. Ismail reminded me that everything is in Allah’s power as he noticed that I began to cry like a lady who was about to give up. After encouraging me, he asked me to use the ankle guard then he left .
Everyone froze for a few seconds. My head was hanging down. I cried my heart out from hearing the news. They started to rub my back and gave me some strength. My friends informed the warden about what Dr. Ismail had said and she said that she’d buy the ankle guard for me.
Honestly, I didn’t sit my SPM like how I supposed to. I felt like it is just a daily exercises from my teachers so I willy-nilly did it. I didn’t think it was my fault because I couldn’t focus as the pain in my ankle was killing me all the time. My languages test is truly bad. I didn’t even have much time to end the essays. During history, the pain was getting worst so I couldn’t focus at all. I just wrote everything in my mind and hoped the time would end quickly. The vicious war began to start again during Add Math. God, I hated that a lot. Everybody knows the fact that I’m not good in Add Math. See, I just wanted a truce at least only during Add Math but I didn’t get what I wished for. I missed 10 questions in biology paper 1. I just answered 40/50!
Before I had my chemistry exam, Mrs. Zaiton held a chemistry class with us. About 15 minutes before Mrs. Zaiton ended the class. My ankle began to make me suffer again. I told my friend who sat beside me during the class that my ankle was stinging. She told me to hold it for a while as the class was going to end a few minutes left. But I couldn’t. Hot water began to roll down me cheeks. Damn, I didn’t even care if somebody saw me crying. I continued crying ‘til Mrs. Zaiton’s husband, Cg. Azmi turned up to fetch her. As she noticed the arrival, she began to end the class. When Cg. Azmi realized I was sobbing, he immediately asked my friends what was going on so they told him why I was crying. He asked me if I needed any medicine. I just nodded. What I thought was just to be free from the pain. Then he walked to his car and came back to me with some pills in his hand for me to swallow down. He asked me to be strong and patient then he left with Mrs. Zaiton.
During the next day, the soreness of my ankle started from early in the morning. It was hurt more than always. I cried when I took my bath. I didn’t even tell my friends about it because I didn’t want to make trouble to anybody. When I was in the exam room, I cried alone. Not long after that, Mrs. Zaiton entered the room. I didn’t even notice that. I startled when she patted my shoulder and asked why I was crying. I quickly wiped my tears and said that I was not (actually I lied). I know that was rude but I just didn’t want her to worry. I forced myself to ignore the pain and tried to answer the questions properly but I couldn’t. God, I couldn’t stand it anymore so I gave up. I just wrote whatever I think about. After sitting the chemistry paper, I began very frustrated when I realized that I missed section C in paper 2. Twenty marks just flew over. I decided to keep it as a secret but I couldn’t so at last, I told my friends about it. They calm me down and asked me not to worry cuz Allah knows everything. After that, I felt much better.
During Arabic Language and PSI (Pendidikan Syari’ah Islamiyah) my ankle began to get well slowly. I started to take the PSI paper in the real exam hall with my friends. I had to have a war with my ankle yet again. But that time I didn’t really care because it is not as bad as before. Thanks to Allah, I still could handle it.
Of course it was strange enough for me. I didn’t need any damn operation or physiotherapies like how Dr. Ismail told me but I was changing for the better. Alhamdulillah… Then I realized, Allah is helping me a lot. I know that my parents, teachers, friends and everybody who saw me with the wheelchair always pray for my best too. Every time I pondered about it, I began to cry. I was more confident than ever that Allah never forgets to help us though we did so much bad things. He gave us test because He wants us to remember Him much. From my experience to be like a handicap person, I realized how we have to appreciate everything that we got from Him. We also have to be grateful for the presence of everybody around us no matter what they had done to us. What I learned, everything is a priceless gift so appreciate it before getting late. For Allah who never turn His back on me even if I turn my back on Him, thank you…